SUNDAY IS FATHERS DAY

Father's day is on Sunday... I am not sure what to do for the nonexistent other half of this small beautiful person that has no idea what she is missing. Do I call him? I mean what for we have not seen him in a weeks. He has not called to see how we are doing. He didn't even call to see how our first day with the sitter went. OH wait he doesn't even know I got a sitter because he said he was going to watch her. I know he will say "well you haven't called me either." My thoughts are that's ridiculous it is not my job to call you, I am not your mother and I am not going to beg for you to see your daughter. I figure she will not remember the first couple of years of her life so maybe he will get his act together by then. Part of me wants to run! I want to run far far away to a place where grass grows uncontrollably, where the ocean smell lingers, and a place without deadbeat, alcoholic drug addict fathers.

Do I call him to say congrats on getting me pregnant because that is all you have done so far? I am content with him not in the picture. I am happier not fighting knowing I have her and that is all that matters, but Sunday bothers me. Sure he is her father, but he has not acted like one. It is harder him being someone I have known the majority of my life then if he was just a random stranger, it would have been so much easier.

If he calls, which I am sure he will eventually what do I say? Oh I forgot she had a father because I do it all by myself, or yeah we took my dad and mom out for lunch since they are the only ones who help out around here. I shouldn't talk bad about him, I mean some day she will want to know him. I just hope that some day he will want to know her. He is a great guy when he wants to be, but this drug addicted alcoholic monster has taken over that wonderful guy I knew.