AN INVITE WITH FATHER

I am at a loss as to what to say. He called to ask us out to a party that is down the street from my house. I wanted to scream and yell at him, yet at the same moment I wanted to jump on him and hug him because I missed him. What is wrong with me? He is that one person that has always been there for me that has made me act or think completely stupid, and now there is a baby and he is no longer there. What is wrong with him?

He called and I wasn't rude or mean. He wanted to see us, but I am angry. He gets to be a dad when he wants to, but that is not how it works. I am angry that we do not exist between the hours of Monday till Friday, and then weekend all of a sudden we are suppose to just drop over to come see him. It is like he wants to be the friend, the fun guy, when it is convenient for him, not a father figure. I guess I wouldn't be so mad if he actually contributed something, or if he wasn't drunk or doing stupid things when we finally got to see him. It could be worse, he could ask to take her and not invite me to come along. I am thankful for that part of our relationship.

What am I going to do? I do not want to fight. I do not want to lose my friend, but I feel like we are way beyond that and we will never be the same. Maybe that is what I needed to finally put this never-ending on-again off-again strange weird relationship to rest. Either it will be better or worse, but it will never be the same... guess it depends on what I want. My head says one thing my heart says something completely different, and I crave a change of scenery like ocean waters and fresh flowers.