SHE SEES AN ELEPHANT

The new Oreo commercial with an Elephant and a boy sitting at a table drinking milk made her laugh. The kid says "grow up Brandon" and the Elephant gets up from the table and she laughs.

So I asked her if she like the Elephant and she looked at me. Amazing how she could potentially understand what I am saying. I am curious, what her thoughts consist of. Pictures? Words? Perhaps that's why children always look so peaceful, their brains are quiet with less clutter.

NAP TIME

Finally she naps, except I regret not setting her down before she fell
asleep. Now I sit here debating moving and waking the precious baby.

FOURTH OUTFIT TODAY

She is still too small for the size one diapers, but I have so many of them. I have not bought newborn size again hoping she would fit the ones I do have. So we went through a lot of clothes today and diapers. We actually made it to six different outfits when I decided to use a smaller diaper.

THIRD OUTFIT TODAY

HAPPY IN PURPLE

WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

The part they neglect to talk about are moments like these, when you find out you thought you were doing good because mass amounts of society do it TOO. Although it is the worst thing you could possibly have done! You do not think because it is not illegal that it could be harmful to your child. You fall into the drone thinking that EVERYONE else is doing it so it must be okay. I suppose living better than okay should be our goal.

Late night hours between feedings I find myself reading. Yes, I am reading the books I probably should not read. Why do I do this? I know too much about the wrong things. Perhaps the right things, and my thoughts are that later I will thank myself.

The benefits of breastfeeding are suppose to out weigh anything else. My favorite book, the chapter is called Suck it up and do it and Breasts exist for a reason. The chapter I probably could or maybe even should have skipped The companies you trust.

My biggest concern was that Pampers and Huggies are part of this evil empire that misleads consumers just to sell cheaper products. The two companies I hear the most when parents rave about the products they use and love.

SO LISTEN UP! PLEASE IF YOU READ ANYTHING ON THIS BLOG PLEASE FOR ALL PARENTS AND CONSUMERS OF THESE PRODUCTS PLEASE READ THIS:

"Pampers Baby Fresh wipes contain Dimethicone, iodpropynl, butylcarbamate, sodium hydroxymethlglyanante, BIS-PEG, and fragrance.

Babies Grins and Giggles Lavender Baby Wash contain disodium lauroamphodiacetate, cocamidoproply betaine, PEG-80, PEG150 distearate, Quarterim-15, D&C Violet#2, and Red#33.

Johnson and Johnson's Baby Lotion has methylparaben, porpylparaben, butylparaben, BHTZ, fragrance, and RED#33."

My favorite part to hate, Huggies a well-known company markets baby diaper wipes called their 'natural care' line. yet the ingredients consist of "Potassium Laureth phosphate, polysorbate 20, tertrasodium EDTA, DMDM, Hydantinin, and methylparaben."

So your thoughts might be similar to my own: "WHAT? WHO CARES? I don't understand what any of these words mean, so I trust that these are safe since they are being used by the mass public. What else is there?"

The truth: There is nothing natural about anything listed. These ingredients include a "formaldehye-releasing preservative, and chemicals that can cause breast cancer, reduced fertility, pregnancy complications, neurotoxicity, immuntoxicity, organ system toxicity, developmental reproductive toxicity, and irritation to eyes and lungs." (page 248 of Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven - if you do not believe me).

So consider this, I am wiping these ingredient onto skin at least ten times a day wondering why she has a rash or is uncomfortable when I change her diaper. My biggest ache in the very bottom of my soul was I OWN THESE PRODUCTS. I just bought the huge case of 1000 wipes! I used this lotion because it SMELLED good. I immediately ran to Wal-Mart (I know...) to find something else.

I found this product 'parents first choice'. What a joke that was. Organic? They are able to claim their product is ORGANIC because the wipes are made on ORGANIC cotton, yet the ingredients are NO DIFFERENT than the NON-ORGANIC brand. I am talking literally the same list just printed on a different color wrapping, and not much different from Pampers and Huggies. I was horrified. I finally made my way to Babies R Us where I found the product Seventh Generation the least toxic wipes I could find, and I cleared off the shelf. I then splurged on the over priced nontoxic baby wash.

My problem is I of all people I KNOW BETTER! I am kicking myself for falling into the 'disbelief category'. I mean how could I believe that these chemicals are toxic and that our government allows these to be put into our everyday items.

I did believe the note about how these are also found in wide amounts of cosmetics. That was no shock to me. The part that just breaks my heart is all these unsuspecting buyers trying to do what is best for their child buying the expensive brand 'natural care' and little do they know they are poisoning their children.

The difficult part is where do you buy products that do not contain these chemicals? Believe it or not they are EVERYWHERE unless you go all natural and use water. One extreme to another is what we are forced with.

These companies are smooth. They need to make a dollar and for some reason it seems like killing humans is their motive. I find it interesting the more syllables a product contains the cheaper the ingredient seem to be. I mean some of these names do not even sound English. What words in English beside chemical names actually contain the letters 'tylph' in order? what sound does that make? The logic here seems to be that the more prefixes and suffixes added to the base root word is like adding more and more meaning to the word, unfortunately these definitions have more and more TOXIC side effects.

It is the middle of the night and I am tired, yet I am mildly awake in between feedings obsessing about the many chemicals that are lurking in the things I have purchased. I at least can sleep better knowing at night her surroundings are organic.

The thing that also gets my skin all twisted is these companies market the idea that there products are 'eco-friendly' or better for the environment. SO it is okay to poison people, but the environment we need to save. Talk about population control. How can these products be better for the environment if they are TOXIC? Doesn't sound better to me. I am sure that no plant would survive if you rubbed any one of these ingredients all over its skin, so how is that 'eco-friendly'?

APRIL DUCK

Baby Madison and the DUCK - at 1 month of age. (APRIL)

PRETTY IN DOTS

Our newest outfit! This is my newest favorite even though today I bought a new one for more pictures. It is just in case she grows out of this one before we get around to taking pictures. This is a SISTER outfit. Hope you love it!

BABY WRAP

Madison looks so peaceful when she is sleeping.

HAPPY BABY

AUNTIE JUJU SHOPS

Sister bought us the outfit. It seems as if today Madison is heavier
than before. I picked her up and she seemed heavier and bigger. She
grew! She better have grown for how much she eats.

MODEL POSE

It is amazing how much they truly understand. I say smile for a
picture and this is what I got. I suppose it depends on her mood how
she reacts, but it's easy to forget how little she is or how NEW she
is when she does things like this.

SPRING DRESS

I could not resist the cute outfit. We went shopping and I had to put
her in the cute outfit especially so people stop saying HE is
beautiful. Plus it is no long warm it just skipped nice and went
straight to HOT so no more knitted torture.

PRECIOUS TOES

MY NEWEST DISCOVERY

My newest discovery is my sense of SMELL. So I have mentioned previously that my senses were on fire while pregnant, but NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD LAST AFTER PREGNANCY.I will never be able to go out in public. I guess while breastfeeding and right after giving birth your senses are still intensified.

Things I never noticed before, which I wish I did not know. Everyone smells differently and some not as great as others. I cannot imagine what dogs must go through when meeting new people, although in my situation I find myself backing away rather than sniffing someones leg. I mostly try to avoid highly populated areas not just because baby has not had her shots, but people SMELL. I know even the random strangers are curious what I am carrying around in the baby basket. I keep her covered and strangers stand on their tip toes trying to peak as they stare at the covered bundle, but yikes I smell things even from a distance.

The strangest things I have discovered: chocolate, peanuts, Chinese Food, Pizza, Mexican Food, alcohol, BODY ODOR, gum, fresh laundry, TACO BELL (I am sorry but a Mexican pizza has a VERY distinct smell, even if I have not smelled one since high school there is nothing else like it), McDonald's, seafood (maybe the worst), and OLD perfume. These are the ones that have stuck out the most.

The strange part, things that smelled nice and pleasant previously are now overwhelming, strange, and not good. The weirdest part, I feel like I smell even myself. I am a mixture between that baby smell, lavender, chamomile, and breast milk. GROSS! I hope no one else can smell like me. The worst part is you have no idea how long it took me to figure out the weird baby smell was coming from me. I mean how could I smell baby when she wasn't around. Oh my hidden secret for the day, my OCD nature is even more intensified these days... my passion is cleaning up the messes we make during the day.

THE DUCK - 1 MONTH

Madison with the big stuffed duck at one month. Sister or auntie JuJu bought us a huge stuffed duck so we can track her growth. Every month we will take a picture of Madison and the duck to see how much she has grown. At one month she can't really hold up her head and simply falls over when being placed by the duck.

ALMOST CLEAN

Madison got a bath this morning. She decided that she must have liked it so much and wanted another one because I put her in a cute outfit that she soon destroyed with her overflowing diaper and leaking mouth.

I decided to clean her body again. I wrapped her in a blanket and picked her up after she discovered the blinds. Thank goodness I set her back down because she decided to water the clean blanket by peeing all over. I am so glad I did laundry and gave her a bath BEFORE she made a mess.

SLEEPING BEAUTY

GRAMPA AND BABY

He adores her!

1 MONTH FOLLOW UP

At her one month doctor visit she weighed 9lbs 9oz and 22 1/2 inches long. She has colic because she will not burp. The doctor said lack of spit up may be a good thing for later in life. She has extreme amounts of gas now though. He said such a calm baby that she doesn't look like a colic baby she is so quiet. My quiet baby that sleeps most the time and is progressively eating more has colic. I guess it is because her intestines are full of air so they buldge and can be painful.

This morning when dressing her she appeared to have SHRUNK. The precious baby gap outfit is bigger than before. She grew longer and thinned out even more with buldging intestines. She's going to be long and skinny.

HEART DOCTOR VISIT

Madison had a visit with the heart doctor this week. We love this doctor. We got there and saw him right away. They did an eccho and ultra sound on her heart. There are two holes in her heart. One is in the upper chamber which is normal for newborns. The hole is from when they were in the womb from the mother breathing for them. It closes on it's own. The second hole is in the lower chamber causing the blood to flow across the heart instead of going to the lungs first and then into the other side. This is a heart murmur that they want to monitor. We go back in six months. In an ideal situation she grows into herself and it closes on it's own. We hope by six months it closes on it's own.

MADISONS HAPPY FACE

She smiles randomly at the strangest moments.

MADISONS POOP FACE

She makes this face along with entertaining grunting noises while
dirtying her diaper.

SISTER LOVES US

My sister loves me so much that it just rubs off on my daughter. She
loves us!

MOMMY AND BABY

Baby and me sitting on the couch after a LONG night of feeding and crying. She looks adorable in her Easter dress from the BEST friend's mother. We LOVE her and the cute gifts she brought us.

EASTER DRESS

Madison in her adorable Easter dress!

WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU

The other day we decided that we extremely dislike our stroller car seat set. This was a hard decision considering how much time and effort I put into researching the best and safest model. Why I dislike it so much… It is bigger than all the other carriers I see everywhere I go. It is extremely heavy even without baby in it. It is almost impossible to buckle with child and the stroller is a complicated contraption that you must figure out before opening and closing it, which is doesn’t even fold down flat.

So I decided to go and buy a new one. We make it to Target, Wal-Mart, and Sears Grand. Madison was doing great until we got to Sears. I am not sure why or what I ate, but it was as if an explosion of poop occurred that triggered a chain reaction. I changed her diaper in the car. Then I had to change her diaper again. Note to self and anyone else thinking no problem – WORST IDEA EVER! Seats in cars are not FLAT and babies are not still.

After three diaper changes and a soaked shirt, since I decided to breastfeed a leaking baby in the parking lot I gave in. I did the UNTHINKABLE. I used a PUBLIC restroom and changing table. I wanted to shower for a month afterwards!

Three outfits and one new on later we were back on track only wasting an hour or two. Finally we made it to Babies R Us, the Wal-Mart of Baby supplies, which probably should have been our first step. Then again I wanted to save money. At this point, I was thinking forget that I was tired and dirty from breast milk, spit up, and poop, not to mention I too was leaking.

I not only found one I liked I found the most expensive one in the store, and the best part I did not care. This lady (AN ANGEL) overheard me talking to the sales person. The logic that if you buy a set it is cheaper made sense except the one I picked out did not come in a set the parts were individual sale items. This complete stranger that was listening gave me a 15% off coupon for one item. Bless her heart for the kind gesture.

So I bought a car seat that was more expensive than my stroller car seat set that I hated. Later I may return to buy the stroller that actually matches the new car seat, then again maybe after I win the lottery.

If they would have said your back will ache, your arms will be sore from holding a baby carrier, not to mention your shoulders stiff., I never would have left m house. Do not even get me started on the explosive poop sessions and leaky diaper episodes and my leaking body every time she cries. It is as if my boobs are an alarm clock DRAIN ME PLEASE…

I finally made it home! Oh and did I mention that the boxes for the luggage I had acquired and purchased would not fit in my car… Bless my friend for having a JEEP and being so HELPFUL! We LOVE her!! The car episode is a whole NEW story. After getting home, I swore I would NEVER EVER leave again!

OPPS BABY MOMENTS

I do not sleep much. I never have been one to take naps or even sleep through the entire night. I often blamed this on my OCD, Obsession Compulsive Disorder. This desire to clean and organize everything at late hours of the night has kept me up many nights. You can never have something too clean so you can never clean too much.

The last two nights have been interesting. Madison slept through the entire night, yet I did not. I woke up every three hours as if WE were on the same schedule. I woke up at one point soaked from breast milk. At another point in the night I woke up as if I was holding the baby feeding her. I realized what I was doing and that there was no baby in my arms and half asleep I freaked out. I contemplated if I dropped her. Did I fall asleep while feeding her? Did I lose her in the mass amount of blankets and pillows on my bed? I frantically rummaged through my bedding searching for the grunting baby I could hear. I could hear her why could I not find her? I ran to the nursery to see her grunting in her sleep in her crib safe and sound.

Perhaps this means I am a super heavy sleeper or overly tired, then again I am consider it is a mixture of both.

MOTHERHOOOD SO FAR

We are bonding nicely. We spend all day hanging out. Mostly she eats, sleeps, and feeds. It is not at all what I expected. I do not feel drastically different, but I am comfortable in my own skin which is more than I can say for prior to even being pregnant. Scary considering that I always said I would NEVER have kids. I am not sure what the fear was, or if I ever really considered what that meant. It is odd considering that this seems to come very natural for me.

The doctor said my body takes to the pregnancy very well as if I was made to have babies. Telling that to someone who contemplated EVER having children is scary. I am a very calm person and thinking rational and not over reacting to everything has helped drastically.

OUR NEW RIDE

What I did not consider... Loading and unloading a baby into the backseat of a Mazda 3, which is considered a sports car. The back doors were not actual doors but half doors because they were cut at an edge to make them look smaller. The backseat was half a backseat to keep the front luxurious and comfortable, while keeping the car small and compact. Besides the loading and unloading part and the trunk not fitting the stroller, the car seat did not fit unless you moved the front seats up as far as they would go. This would be fine if I was 4feet tall but considering I am 5foot 9inches and mostly legs I was miserable. I could not have a passenger in the front seat because they would not be able to fit unless they were eating the dashboard with their face smashed against the windshield.

It was time to upgrade or more like 'MOMMY GRADE'. I refuse to drive a mini-van or a gas guzzling pollutant SUV. So I somewhat compromised. OUR NEW RIDE is a Scion XD. So far I am averaging about 30 mpg and it fits the baby car seat, me the driver, and passengers. Plus it is NEW and made by Toyota. The backseat holds the baby car seat in the middle, plus the stroller and easy to load and unload. The fun part is that it has an IPOD connector for the radio. The only strange constant in my life is every car I have ever owned has been BLUE, and yes I picked the blue one again. PLUS no more LEATHER. Only someone living in a desert would be excited about getting rid of leather seats.

PRE-BABY DEPRESSION

I hear that Postpartum Depression is a new diagnosed disease in this time period. Previously women were not allowed to speak of such behaviors. Then again there are moms that actually 'LOVED' being pregnant. Then there was ME, and I definitely was not one of those people.

There are many different levels of depression, and although doctors think they know how to cure them, in reality I believe they just mask the symptoms by numbing our bodies natural ways of alerting us that something is wrong. Our bodies are trying to tell us something, yet we cover it up by numbing them with medicine. Example would be pain medicines. You get a headache every day at 5pm, well maybe something you are doing is causing these headaches. If we cure ourselves from the source perhaps we will not have to be so dependent on these drugs that are making these companies millions. The problem is finding the source.

I am a little off than that average person. I HATED being pregnant. I hated what it meant. I hated the unwanted attention. I hated the symptoms. I hated the physical, mental, and emotional constant changes. I hated the lack of motivation, the weight gain, the discomfort, and the over powerful senses.

What could I possibly miss about gaining weight at a drastic rate. (okay, so I am not the norm I didn't really gain much weight but watching my feet disappear was devastating) As if being pregnant was this 'free ticket' to the all you can eat or eat whatever you want lifestyle, getting bigger was seen as a beautiful thing. Why would I want to eat garbage? This should have been the most important time in my entire life that watching what I consumed was all did because it was growing a life, yet so many people were always trying to give me cakes, candy, and junk food.

So besides my disappearing feet, I hated the heartburn, the lack of mobility, and not to mention the lack of flexibility. They say you become more flexible while pregnant. How is that possible when this large mass is blocking your view of the ground beneath you? I was not a happy pregnant lady. I disliked the random strangers coming up to me to rub my belly. If you think about it you are totally rubbing my UTERUS! Besides that I do not know your name and you are touching the skin that is hiding my women parts. It is bizarre how giddy and happy random strangers would get. Perhaps I can see how some may miss the positive attention from random strangers. Strangers holding doors open, smiling real genuine smiles as you walk by, and the overly nice gestures to help a complete stranger was common in my everyday routines.

A sense of relief overwhelmed me as soon as baby was out of my body. I imagined sleeping on my belly. I could not wait to eat food and actually taste my food rather than acid reflux. I was so excited to see my FEET, and be able to bend over and touch the floor. I just rejoiced in the calming sensation that overwhelmed me so much they gave me oxygen.

I suppose a sense of innocence has left me for now I am a MOTHER. I am responsible for another life form. Sure a dog maybe similar in theory, yet at least a dog maybe left alone. I have to make decisions for this life, and the biggest question of all is 'what if I a make the wrong decision?'

The best advice I have ever received is actually scary if you really think about the logic behind our society and why this is true, 'You can do whatever you want in regards to raising this child. This child is yours, no one will get mad at you for the decisions you make because you are the boss. If you drop your child no one will yell at you. Now if you drop someone else's child they may begin to yell.'

Consider this: You do not have to take a test to have a child, you do not have to be certified in anything including CPR, you do not have to buy anything except a car seat to leave the hospital, you do not have to have a home, family support, be married, or even care, but if you want to adopt a child you must do all of this PLUS!

MY CHUBBY SKINNY BABY

Since Madison's head is too big for the 'newborn' beanies, and her body is too small for the size 0 onesies she wears a combination of random items. I made the hat, and I love the shirts that the hospital let us take.

It is funny how chubby she looks in the pictures, but she is pretty long and skinny. She still wears the newborn size diapers. I learned this because I ran out of 'newborn' and tried the next size up. It says 8-14lbs. Since she is 8lbs 4oz I figured she could wear them. BAD IDEA! While lying on my lap I learned that the diapers were too big. I realized this because my pants were wet and so was baby, but of course the diaper was dry. I guess her legs are too skinny and the diaper is too wide.
I think that I dislike the car seat I purchased. It is frustrating when trying to clip it together. You must hold two pieces together and clip them at the same time into the buckle. It is easy to do if there isn't a squirming baby sitting in the seat.

I made sure to research everything safety, recall information, additional features such as weight requirements, and how heavy it is without a baby. I did good except now it is frustrating.

It came with padding and support. I see pictures of babies with those head guards to hold their head up and shoulder straps that parents add to the car seat. I was told these are dangerous. The warranty and safety ratings change when alterations occur, and adding additional items that were not used during the testing phase alter the outcome. How scary is that! I mean these parents think they are doing what is best for their child when they could be adding items that are dangerous to the safety of their child while in the car.

1ST BATH

Madison got her first bath. We finally got to use the fun towels that were received as gifts at the baby shower. She loved hiding in the hooded towel since she is still tiny the hood covered her head and face. She loves being wrapped up in blankets, towels, or your arms.
I am not trying to post the typical 'baby bath' photos. Besides the fact that it could possibly be a violation of posting nudity photos on the web, it is embarrassing and weird. I am not sure why parents take pictures like that. Besides she is so cute in her Organic hooded towel.