RANDOM NEW THOUGHTS

On the way home this song came on, "Please don't take the girl..." It reminded me of baby's daddy. (OH they got to come up with a better term for him) He used to sing it with his friends to me when we were little... He called me as the song started playing at our favorite part.... WHAT? Him and his best friend would start screaming this part as the phone rings... Things like that weird me out. I told him my 'freaked out moment...' by saying hey listen... he said weird because they were just talking about me... His family was gathered for dinner. I contemplated what that conversation went like...

Earlier thoughts that ran through my head immediately re-surfaced.... I must admit it scared me while pumping and riding shotgun in a car. It wasn't that it was a car... it was a mustang. It's the one Griff died in... I contemplated what would happen if I died. Would he get to take Madee...? I never really cared about death, I mean I know so many people who have died so it never bothered me... suddenly I didn't want to die. It is like they say, I now have a purpose to stay alive... I have a reason to be me! That is very comforting in a way! I secretly promised in my head I WOULD NOT let that happen... being afraid to leave her with him for an hour let alone the rest of her life made my throat hurt.

He wanted us (me and baby) to come by his parents house. That sounds nice and all, but again do I drop everything to run over there?!?! (I totally understand that is bad grammar!) It is my birthday! Did he forget or what!

I said I would call him back. I completely forgot until after she was asleep for the night. The worst part, I was actually happy about him being on my terms FOR ONCE. I feel bad for standing him up, but TECHNICALLY we didn't have plans.... and it is MY BIRTHDAY!