PRE-BABY DEPRESSION

I hear that Postpartum Depression is a new diagnosed disease in this time period. Previously women were not allowed to speak of such behaviors. Then again there are moms that actually 'LOVED' being pregnant. Then there was ME, and I definitely was not one of those people.

There are many different levels of depression, and although doctors think they know how to cure them, in reality I believe they just mask the symptoms by numbing our bodies natural ways of alerting us that something is wrong. Our bodies are trying to tell us something, yet we cover it up by numbing them with medicine. Example would be pain medicines. You get a headache every day at 5pm, well maybe something you are doing is causing these headaches. If we cure ourselves from the source perhaps we will not have to be so dependent on these drugs that are making these companies millions. The problem is finding the source.

I am a little off than that average person. I HATED being pregnant. I hated what it meant. I hated the unwanted attention. I hated the symptoms. I hated the physical, mental, and emotional constant changes. I hated the lack of motivation, the weight gain, the discomfort, and the over powerful senses.

What could I possibly miss about gaining weight at a drastic rate. (okay, so I am not the norm I didn't really gain much weight but watching my feet disappear was devastating) As if being pregnant was this 'free ticket' to the all you can eat or eat whatever you want lifestyle, getting bigger was seen as a beautiful thing. Why would I want to eat garbage? This should have been the most important time in my entire life that watching what I consumed was all did because it was growing a life, yet so many people were always trying to give me cakes, candy, and junk food.

So besides my disappearing feet, I hated the heartburn, the lack of mobility, and not to mention the lack of flexibility. They say you become more flexible while pregnant. How is that possible when this large mass is blocking your view of the ground beneath you? I was not a happy pregnant lady. I disliked the random strangers coming up to me to rub my belly. If you think about it you are totally rubbing my UTERUS! Besides that I do not know your name and you are touching the skin that is hiding my women parts. It is bizarre how giddy and happy random strangers would get. Perhaps I can see how some may miss the positive attention from random strangers. Strangers holding doors open, smiling real genuine smiles as you walk by, and the overly nice gestures to help a complete stranger was common in my everyday routines.

A sense of relief overwhelmed me as soon as baby was out of my body. I imagined sleeping on my belly. I could not wait to eat food and actually taste my food rather than acid reflux. I was so excited to see my FEET, and be able to bend over and touch the floor. I just rejoiced in the calming sensation that overwhelmed me so much they gave me oxygen.

I suppose a sense of innocence has left me for now I am a MOTHER. I am responsible for another life form. Sure a dog maybe similar in theory, yet at least a dog maybe left alone. I have to make decisions for this life, and the biggest question of all is 'what if I a make the wrong decision?'

The best advice I have ever received is actually scary if you really think about the logic behind our society and why this is true, 'You can do whatever you want in regards to raising this child. This child is yours, no one will get mad at you for the decisions you make because you are the boss. If you drop your child no one will yell at you. Now if you drop someone else's child they may begin to yell.'

Consider this: You do not have to take a test to have a child, you do not have to be certified in anything including CPR, you do not have to buy anything except a car seat to leave the hospital, you do not have to have a home, family support, be married, or even care, but if you want to adopt a child you must do all of this PLUS!